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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-15-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 15, 2026 at 11:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson

Strength98
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread25
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Mike Tyson VS Robert Trujillo
Robert Trujillo

Robert Trujillo

80Strength
80Speed
88Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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