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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-08-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, September 8, 2025 at 12:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Coaching Course Carol

Coaching Course Carol

Strength55
Speed80
Endurance80
Technique95
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Coaching Course Carol VS Bacon Windfall
Bacon Windfall

Bacon Windfall

88Strength
70Speed
82Endurance
78Technique
2.8Molecular Density
18Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Bacon Windfall
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule