TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-08-25
APPROVED
Jelly Burgertoes
Strength55
Speed80
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread50
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Jelly Burgertoes VS Fresh Rodriguez
Fresh Rodriguez
75Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
95Technique
2.1Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Jelly Burgertoes
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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