TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-24-25
APPROVED
Spandex Nightmare
Strength75
Speed90
Endurance78
Technique92
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread50
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Spandex Nightmare VS Millipede Aqualuft
Millipede Aqualuft
65Strength
85Speed
75Endurance
80Technique
2.2Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
1000Fingers
1000Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Spandex Nightmare
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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