TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-16-25
APPROVED
Self-Checkout Stan
Strength80
Speed70
Endurance95
Technique85
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread90
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Self-Checkout Stan VS The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
120Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
52.7Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
11Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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