TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-16-25
APPROVED
Professor Punches
Strength80
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique95
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread40
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Professor Punches VS Fart Sniffer Supreme
Fart Sniffer Supreme
40Strength
50Speed
45Endurance
65Technique
0.8Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Professor Punches
Violence concluded.
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