TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-16-25
APPROVED
Kevlar Breakfast
Strength95
Speed65
Endurance95
Technique70
Molecular Density5.1
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Kevlar Breakfast VS Glizzy Goblin
Glizzy Goblin
75Strength
71Speed
95Endurance
80Technique
1.5Molecular Density
78Existential Dread
6Fingers
14Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Kevlar Breakfast
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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