TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-16-25
APPROVED
Shrek
Strength95
Speed50
Endurance90
Technique60
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Shrek VS Average Joe
Average Joe
75Strength
75Speed
75Endurance
75Technique
50.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Shrek
Violence concluded.
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