TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-20-25
APPROVED
Gilbert Gottfried
Strength30
Speed70
Endurance65
Technique88
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread90
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Gilbert Gottfried VS Gains McGainface
Gains McGainface
95Strength
75Speed
90Endurance
70Technique
3.9Molecular Density
12Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Gains McGainface
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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