TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-23-25
APPROVED
Lawn Care Larry
Strength70
Speed75
Endurance88
Technique80
Molecular Density2.5
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lawn Care Larry VS Sausage Festival
Sausage Festival
87Strength
70Speed
93Endurance
75Technique
3.1Molecular Density
22Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sausage Festival
Violence concluded.
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