TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-25-25
APPROVED
John Jimmy
Strength95
Speed55
Endurance84
Technique66
Molecular Density28.8
Existential Dread88
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
John Jimmy VS Comfort Gecko
Comfort Gecko
50Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
92Technique
0.3Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
4Fingers
4Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
John Jimmy
Violence concluded.
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