TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-25-25
APPROVED
Dr. Burnout Betty
Strength74
Speed88
Endurance96
Technique94
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread85
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Dr. Burnout Betty VS Black Friday Brenda
Black Friday Brenda
95Strength
85Speed
90Endurance
75Technique
3.5Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Black Friday Brenda
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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