TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-29-25
APPROVED
Birthday Alone Barry
Strength68
Speed82
Endurance79
Technique71
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread77
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Birthday Alone Barry VS Wet Sock Walking Willie
Wet Sock Walking Willie
66Strength
79Speed
83Endurance
72Technique
1.9Molecular Density
57Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Wet Sock Walking Willie
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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