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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-29-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, September 29, 2025 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Cookie Consent Karen

Cookie Consent Karen

Strength71
Speed75
Endurance76
Technique80
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread58
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Cookie Consent Karen VS Splinter Under Fingernail
Splinter Under Fingernail

Splinter Under Fingernail

80Strength
68Speed
72Endurance
80Technique
3.6Molecular Density
89Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

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Violence concluded.
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