TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-30-25
APPROVED
Ringo Starr
Strength45
Speed70
Endurance70
Technique85
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread40
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Ringo Starr VS Snotty Scotty
Snotty Scotty
60Strength
85Speed
55Endurance
70Technique
1.8Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Snotty Scotty
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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