TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-30-25
APPROVED
Pancake Stabber Stevens
Strength77
Speed81
Endurance68
Technique74
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread35
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pancake Stabber Stevens VS Third Floor Bathroom Mirror
Third Floor Bathroom Mirror
65Strength
75Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
3.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Third Floor Bathroom Mirror
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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