TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-30-25
APPROVED
Derek Moneyberg
Strength71
Speed71
Endurance86
Technique72
Molecular Density57.2
Existential Dread45
Fingers13
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Derek Moneyberg VS Bathtub Ring Bobby
Bathtub Ring Bobby
69Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
76Technique
3.3Molecular Density
34Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Bathtub Ring Bobby
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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