TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-15-25
APPROVED
Lasagna Layer Lord
Strength85
Speed60
Endurance95
Technique88
Molecular Density3.6
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lasagna Layer Lord VS Librarian Linda "Shush of Death"
Librarian Linda "Shush of Death"
73Strength
83Speed
92Endurance
94Technique
2.1Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Lasagna Layer Lord
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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