TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-21-25
APPROVED
Comfort Gecko
Strength50
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density0.3
Existential Dread40
Fingers4
Toes4
TALE OF THE TAPE
Comfort Gecko VS Cracked iPhone Screen
Cracked iPhone Screen
67Strength
67Speed
65Endurance
101Technique
23.4Molecular Density
44Existential Dread
11Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Cracked iPhone Screen
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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