TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-21-25
APPROVED
The Pending Update
Strength69
Speed76
Endurance94
Technique63
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread88
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Pending Update VS Square Root
Square Root
58Strength
84Speed
65Endurance
101Technique
1.4Molecular Density
73Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Square Root
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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