TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-24-25
APPROVED
Thighmaster Flex
Strength98
Speed62
Endurance91
Technique49
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread12
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Thighmaster Flex VS Lunch Break
Lunch Break
103Strength
41Speed
88Endurance
68Technique
1.4Molecular Density
8Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Thighmaster Flex
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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