TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-05-25
APPROVED
Hornswoggle
Strength55
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique80
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hornswoggle VS Shrek
Shrek
95Strength
50Speed
90Endurance
60Technique
4.2Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Hornswoggle
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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