TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-06-25
APPROVED
Dead Houseplant Duncan
Strength75
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique70
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread64
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Dead Houseplant Duncan VS Surprise Bill Betty
Surprise Bill Betty
76Strength
72Speed
82Endurance
70Technique
3.5Molecular Density
66Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Surprise Bill Betty
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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