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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-11-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, November 11, 2025 at 10:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Efficiency Expert

The Efficiency Expert

Strength85
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique98
Molecular Density3.4
Existential Dread92
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Efficiency Expert VS Kirk Hammett
Kirk Hammett

Kirk Hammett

75Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
2.6Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Efficiency Expert
Violence concluded.
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