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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-13-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, November 13, 2025 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Hair in the Drain Helena

Hair in the Drain Helena

Strength81
Speed64
Endurance71
Technique74
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread40
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hair in the Drain Helena VS Soap Scum Supreme
Soap Scum Supreme

Soap Scum Supreme

70Strength
82Speed
71Endurance
77Technique
2.6Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Hair in the Drain Helena
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule