TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-20-25
APPROVED
Closing Time Tim
Strength83
Speed86
Endurance69
Technique77
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Closing Time Tim VS Betty White
Betty White
60Strength
75Speed
100Endurance
95Technique
1.8Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Betty White
Violence concluded.
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