TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-25-25
APPROVED
Count Dankula
Strength93
Speed54
Endurance76
Technique77
Molecular Density14.2
Existential Dread35
Fingers15
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Count Dankula VS Bolognese Blitz
Bolognese Blitz
90Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
60Technique
3.3Molecular Density
30Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Bolognese Blitz
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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