TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-27-25
APPROVED
Birthday Alone Barry
Strength68
Speed82
Endurance79
Technique71
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread77
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Birthday Alone Barry VS TV Remote
TV Remote
64Strength
66Speed
90Endurance
80Technique
89.8Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
15Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Birthday Alone Barry
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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