TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-27-25
APPROVED
The Unlicensed Magician
Strength104
Speed47
Endurance87
Technique62
Molecular Density73.2
Existential Dread100
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Unlicensed Magician VS Nancy From HR
Nancy From HR
66Strength
87Speed
84Endurance
63Technique
83.0Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
12Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Unlicensed Magician
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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