TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-28-25
APPROVED
Donut Handler
Strength77
Speed61
Endurance86
Technique76
Molecular Density62.7
Existential Dread49
Fingers8
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Donut Handler VS Porkbun Pete
Porkbun Pete
71Strength
78Speed
77Endurance
74Technique
52.6Molecular Density
20Existential Dread
7Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Donut Handler
Violence concluded.
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