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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-08-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, December 8, 2025 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Granite Sinclair

Granite Sinclair

Strength99
Speed52
Endurance97
Technique52
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread3
Fingers0
Toes0
TALE OF THE TAPE
Granite Sinclair VS Uncle Kick Salad
Uncle Kick Salad

Uncle Kick Salad

70Strength
85Speed
68Endurance
77Technique
0.8Molecular Density
31Existential Dread
10Fingers
11Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Uncle Kick Salad
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule