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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 9, 2025 at 7:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Background Radiation

Background Radiation

Strength43
Speed75
Endurance106
Technique86
Molecular Density0.0
Existential Dread98
Fingers0
Toes0
TALE OF THE TAPE
Background Radiation VS The Unsubscribe Link
The Unsubscribe Link

The Unsubscribe Link

91Strength
45Speed
103Endurance
61Technique
0.0Molecular Density
127Existential Dread
1Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

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Violence concluded.
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