TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-09-25
APPROVED
Uncle Kick Salad
Strength70
Speed85
Endurance68
Technique77
Molecular Density0.8
Existential Dread31
Fingers10
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Uncle Kick Salad VS Granite Sinclair
Granite Sinclair
99Strength
52Speed
97Endurance
52Technique
2.8Molecular Density
3Existential Dread
0Fingers
0Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Uncle Kick Salad
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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