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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-11-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, December 11, 2025 at 2:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With

The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With

Strength120
Speed100
Endurance20
Technique60
Molecular Density52.7
Existential Dread35
Fingers11
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With VS Average Joe
Average Joe

Average Joe

75Strength
75Speed
75Endurance
75Technique
50.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Rope Jeff Didn't Hang Himself With
Violence concluded.
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