TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-11-25
APPROVED
Surprise Bill Betty
Strength76
Speed72
Endurance82
Technique70
Molecular Density3.5
Existential Dread66
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Surprise Bill Betty VS Pancake Stabber Stevens
Pancake Stabber Stevens
77Strength
81Speed
68Endurance
74Technique
3.1Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Surprise Bill Betty
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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