TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-13-25
APPROVED
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike
Strength77
Speed74
Endurance76
Technique73
Molecular Density3.8
Existential Dread52
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike VS Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming"
Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming"
81Strength
74Speed
69Endurance
66Technique
2.2Molecular Density
89Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike
Violence concluded.
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