TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-13-25
APPROVED
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike
Strength77
Speed74
Endurance76
Technique73
Molecular Density3.8
Existential Dread52
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike VS The Finger Counter
The Finger Counter
65Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
2.7Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
23Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Finger Counter
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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