TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-13-25
APPROVED
Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming"
Strength81
Speed74
Endurance69
Technique66
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread89
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming" VS Shrek
Shrek
95Strength
50Speed
90Endurance
60Technique
4.2Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Shrek
Violence concluded.
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