TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-13-25
APPROVED
Polymer Paradise
Strength91
Speed77
Endurance89
Technique79
Molecular Density3.7
Existential Dread37
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Polymer Paradise VS Swole Patroll
Swole Patroll
98Strength
71Speed
95Endurance
65Technique
4.2Molecular Density
8Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Polymer Paradise
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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