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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-13-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 13, 2025 at 9:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Low Battery Mode

Low Battery Mode

Strength103
Speed6
Endurance101
Technique102
Molecular Density10.0
Existential Dread99
Fingers20
Toes20
TALE OF THE TAPE
Low Battery Mode VS Mommy Issues Mike
Mommy Issues Mike

Mommy Issues Mike

55Strength
48Speed
65Endurance
58Technique
1.4Molecular Density
87Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Low Battery Mode
Violence concluded.
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