TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-16-25
APPROVED
Knockoff Kevin
Strength76
Speed79
Endurance70
Technique75
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread33
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Knockoff Kevin VS Prior Authorization Paul
Prior Authorization Paul
83Strength
70Speed
69Endurance
78Technique
2.9Molecular Density
58Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Prior Authorization Paul
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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