TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-20-25
APPROVED
Engine Eberhardt
Strength90
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique70
Molecular Density3.5
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Engine Eberhardt VS Dead Houseplant Duncan
Dead Houseplant Duncan
75Strength
70Speed
85Endurance
70Technique
1.5Molecular Density
64Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Engine Eberhardt
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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