TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-20-25
APPROVED
Bacon Windfall
Strength88
Speed70
Endurance82
Technique78
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread18
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bacon Windfall VS Autoplay Assassin
Autoplay Assassin
75Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
85Technique
2.0Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Autoplay Assassin
Violence concluded.
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