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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-20-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 20, 2025 at 7:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Fists McExistential

Fists McExistential

Strength88
Speed55
Endurance70
Technique62
Molecular Density0.9
Existential Dread97
Fingers8
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Fists McExistential VS Garage Sale Gloria
Garage Sale Gloria

Garage Sale Gloria

70Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
80Technique
2.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Garage Sale Gloria
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule