TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-22-25
APPROVED
Toaster Bath
Strength55
Speed75
Endurance77
Technique93
Molecular Density33.0
Existential Dread24
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Toaster Bath VS Mx. Noodle
Mx. Noodle
19Strength
108Speed
86Endurance
87Technique
0.2Molecular Density
44Existential Dread
0Fingers
0Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Toaster Bath
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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