TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-26-25
APPROVED
Sandy Britches
Strength70
Speed63
Endurance96
Technique71
Molecular Density65.4
Existential Dread54
Fingers9
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sandy Britches VS The Honorable Judge Fistmas
The Honorable Judge Fistmas
71Strength
89Speed
74Endurance
66Technique
1.2Molecular Density
22Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Honorable Judge Fistmas
Violence concluded.
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