TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-26-25
APPROVED
Hot Dog Roller Helena
Strength75
Speed85
Endurance80
Technique85
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread50
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Hot Dog Roller Helena VS Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Bigfoot Believer Brenda
90Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
70Technique
4.2Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
13Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Hot Dog Roller Helena
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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