TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-27-25
APPROVED
Chris Kirkpatrick
Strength50
Speed75
Endurance65
Technique85
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Chris Kirkpatrick VS Empty Fridge at 2AM
Empty Fridge at 2AM
84Strength
67Speed
74Endurance
75Technique
1.6Molecular Density
81Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Empty Fridge at 2AM
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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