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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-02-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 2, 2026 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Captain Hindsight

Captain Hindsight

Strength58
Speed92
Endurance71
Technique79
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread84
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Captain Hindsight VS Dr. Membrane PhD
Dr. Membrane PhD

Dr. Membrane PhD

34Strength
67Speed
81Endurance
118Technique
0.9Molecular Density
73Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Captain Hindsight
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule