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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-03-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 3, 2026 at 11:00 AM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Sunday Night Dread

Sunday Night Dread

Strength73
Speed78
Endurance72
Technique77
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread96
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sunday Night Dread VS Lasagna Layer Lord
Lasagna Layer Lord

Lasagna Layer Lord

85Strength
60Speed
95Endurance
88Technique
3.6Molecular Density
55Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Lasagna Layer Lord
Violence concluded.
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